October 25th, 2010
Science class..
Science is such a bust, i use to love it, but now its just plain annoying. honestly i think Science and math, is the way all the nerds from the past are getting back as the dicks of the future for picking on them so much. but at least i can understand math sometime, i mean i think an alternate exterior is a lot easier to understand than something called a chlorophyll molecule, or Thylakiod Membrane, and seriously, what the hell is a Granum?its so dumb, the class im in is no better, about 80% of the class is Preps, 10% nerds, 7% mexicans, and 2% emo or goth chicks. Gosh how i wish i could get outa here. There is like ten minutes of class left and let me tall ya, this is the longest 10 minutes a 16 year old non-prep-nerd-mexican-or goth chick can endure. its like everything is moving in slow motion, Cole talking about how awesome he is to whoever is listening or even cares, Tyler is talking about God knows what, Mr. Hall the student teacher is being all nerdy with hid big bird nose, going on all about Chemicals and such, A couple cheerleaders passing notes, texting, popping grape bubble gum, a guy texting his buddy literaly sitting right next to him, i mean come on really? what is this world coming to, just leen your lazy ass over and risk getting yelled at for talking, fuck. And dont forget this mexican couple, talking about all the drama in the world, and finaly Kesha..the only girl in the glass, that seems not to be super preppy, mexican, nerdy or emo, but yet she has a perfect A, and is doing her work listening intently. She is always kinda quiet, im not saying this in a lezbo way but i think she is a very beautiful girl, i like her glasses haha, and i really like her handwriting, its so sufisticated! i only wish i could be like her, instead im just plane old Jesse, the crazy red head who never has a boyfriend always falling for the boys i can't have, very smart but chooses not to show it the girl who honestly doent know who the hell she is yet.
November 18th, 2010
Science class..
So i dont have much long to write this, but i just gotta get something of my excitment out on paper, i really dont know what it is, but here it goes.. see there is this boy that i have stuck in my head, yes Jesse is at it yet again. but i really do like him, my stomach feels like it has beent aken over by tiny little Oompa Loompa's, whenever i think of him they freez my heart and stir up my insides, till i get so nervous i wanna puke! Just thinking of him now is making my breath short, my heartbeat slower, im totaly crazy about this guy, i cant help but blush whenim near him, i have to always hide my face! this is all i have time to write the bell is going to ring but dont worrie im sure many more poor tree's withh have to be slane over my teenage highschool young love life crushes! i cant sayn his name so, ill say The Main Boy haha.
December 2nd, 2010
English class..
i really like this boy but i had a boyfriend, so that was kinda stressful, turnes out The Main Boy hella likes me too, alot. and he sonds me all these beautiful messages, and texts saying these wonderful things about me that my own boyfriends neglects to tell me ever. so i end up breaking up with my boyfriend, beacuse it wasnt working out at all.not only cuz we were no good together, but beacuse of this other guy, yes i know thats totally wrong and fucked up, but you dont kno how much i like
December 6th, 2010
English class
i still fell llike i want to die inside without with This Main boy! i know its like the stupidest thing ever, but its true. i kind of laugh now andi guess i can live with the fact that is NEVER going to happen, andit totaly sucks but i think i can be cool and act like nothing ever happened between us..i think. or that he never told me i was beautiful, or that, i could make him lose himself in my eyes with just one glance. Hmm, well if that was true then why are you showing me pictures o f some girl your going to end up fucking this weekend at your house when your parents are goings? or that your telling all my friends that your opps actuly "playing 3 girls right now, 1 your kinda just friends with, the other you have fooled aruond wiht, and last you actuly might start a relationship with. oh and by the way Jesse isn't even one of them haha.......no not funny.oh but wait i thought yo udidnt want a relationship cuz you were in love with someone else and couldnt do that to yourself? yeah i actuly remembered all that, andi replay it in my head all the time, but inthe end its all good i think, cuz i know i will NEVER be happy with aboy, im NEVER going to fall n love, Im NEVER going to have a family, its fine im use to it, its not like i ever even had a familyi love my brother more thatn anyting in the world if anything ever happened to him my life would be over, i love my mom too, but sometimes its not enough, i just feel empty and alone all the time.
December 9th, 2010
scicne class
so i won an award today, for being th etop sophemore % score in the young writers program. to bad that litteraly no one cares.or even noticed that my name was anounce on the CHS News Braodcast. i got a little plastic triphe that litteraly stnads no more that 2 inchest tall. it says writen in sharpie at the top, Top Sophmore %. its actuly kind of cute. andi feel very special and proud of myself to hold this gay ass little triphie in my hand wheni walk down the halls. plus i got a paper award thingy that says- The office of letters & light is proud to certify Jesse Breshears author of 11,195 words as a winner & so on and so forth. i know for a fact that my mom is going to flip out, i love her and all i but she is my mom, its exspected for her to be happy for me with somethinglike this. i just wish people around me would actuly care, but they dont. i know high school is just a small part o flife, so i hear, but right now it is m ylike from 5:30 am to 3:15, monday- friday. and well all i can say about that is life suck at the moment. my best friend Sierra is leaving school in 2 weeks, i just heard the news about it like last night when everybody else knew fo rlike a month..wtf? although she may live right don the street from me, thats not the point, we will never be able to relive high school mopmnet together if she is not there. i stayed up till like 12 last nigh crying, it seems thats all i do lately. just crying about old memories, how much ihate school, miss my dad like a fucker, just to even hear his voise again would be amazing. to see him or give him a hug again would be the greatest thing in the world to me. but that is all imposable unless i reserect my father, and well i know that wouldnt turn out so well. i know how my family misses himto, but they never show it, and im kinda scared to show any kind of freaking emotion, so i just walk around my house acting like a cold heartless bitch. i have always been the strong one in my family. and i dont want to be anymore, i wann abe the one that cryies all the time, and has someone there to be steong for me. why should i have to care about your problrms all the time? i kno thats bad but how ami supost to not burry my feelings when they make me act like i have non. i hope things will change sooon. but then again i hve been sayign taht same thing since 1st grade.
December 15th, 2010
SCience class
SCience class
imi trying to tell myself that tings are getting better, but they areally arent. i just want to get away someplace, ina really cute house, in the mountains by the lake, surounded by big trees and wildlife, somewhere, where i dont haver to be asked sonstently whats wrong with me, or always be reminded that in fom a small ass red neck hillbill stompin town with the worlds most worst people ever created, someplace where i know i can be by myself not trying to prove anything. but thats onlya dream, and from what i know, dreams dont come true. i guess all that it comes down to is taht im tired, just really really tired and extremly lonley. i feel like i ama loner almost all the time. no friends no love, no family. i miss my dad so much too. i think looking at his picture makes me feel like i dont even know him. i think its just cuz all the holidays are coming up. i cant even remember what its like to hug him, or touch his crazy beard, comb his long gray suprsing ly beautiful hair. untieing his dumb sqeeky work boots. i loved my dad so mush i dont even think he knew how much. and that makes me think even more, if my dad was still here, wouldi be here? in nampa, sittting in the classroom, writing the note? or would i be most likely beign shoved in a locker somewhere, by some football player, right?
December 27th, 2010
my bedroom
i wanted to write somthing but i didnt know what to write. i just feel empty inside, and i makes me even more sad cuz i alwys say that wheni write. i guess its jut that thats all i feel lately, i hope pne day i will look back on this moment and thinkn baout how much better my life is from what it once was, cux im hopingni wll be so much happyer i hate being like this but its alot better that pretnding to feel somthing you dont feel..i just think its all the shi ti have going on right now. i am kinda nervous cuz my oom is getting me tested for ADD , bipolar distoder, adn desprssion this week.i dont thnk i have any of that, buti just think hta i have the UNIVERSE on my tiny ass sholders, im just angra ald unhappy all the time, i just wanna be happy.
January 4th, 2010
My room
dear randon shit book thingy, today was a freaking fantastic day. i got up at 2:00pm haha and checked my ohone, it said ihad an e-mail, i checked it, turns out (a boy like) said yes to my friend request! not its a story with this kid, our parents knew eachother or somthing like that, anyways i immediatly got up and started doing my happy dance. then my ohen went off again, seems like i had a message from em! it said hows it going..haha! so basicly we talked i told em i thought he was cute and stuff, lol like wtf i never say that shit to guys! im never outgoing im so shy! lol after that he didnt reply for what seemed like 8 hours...i was freaking out, thnking oh great i finaly come out of my shell take a chance with a guy put myself out there and i scare the poor guy away...on facebook. fer real? lol but her replyed, and i ended up getting his number. but i waited till sunday to text em cuz i didnt want him thinking i was desprite or clingy, good move right? and so he told e monday he is going to say hi to me, ha! i dont hink ima go! but my mom wont let me, niether will my friends! i dont think ihave smiled so uch in my life! my face hurts!! i gotta go and firgur out wtf to wear.. oh jeez, god i really hope things or at least something like a hug comkes out of this, i sont wanna get my heart disapointed again. signing out 1:22 am.
January 5th, 2010
My room
again dear book or paper of random shit thingy. so its 11:42 pm, on a wednesday night. i dontknow what to say really. im just chilling her on my stomach in my brothers led zepplin t-shirt, some spandex, and knee high slippers, kind hot eh? lol jk. just sitting here listening to Aerosmith, i can't sleep & andi know im going to be hella tired tomorrow at school but oh well its a b-day i hve all good classes on b-days. and how can i sleeep wheni have to share a bed (air mattress) with a 8000 lb dog, mally, or Mal:). she is my brothers dog, but i do everything for her, she i slike 1 or 2 maybe and stupid as hell, but i love her so much. i recently just lost my own dog i adopted Bazyo, B for short, or i called em BB. he got hit by a car, and my (ex)boyfriends was the one who found him and came to the door to tell me. he was so hurt and gone by the timei got there, we had to shoot em in our front yard just to put em out of his missery, he had a broken jaw, his back legs were lik ehanging on limbs, and his head was bleeding bad, i stillhave stains on my favoerit jeens. but it was for the best right? just a week after taht my other g\dog Soccer, Soc for short, she got hit too by a car, that fucking drove off, she is okay has a big cast on her leg, broker her poor leg. i kinda dont feel bad for her cuz its her own fault we hollerd but she just doesnt care, she is deffinatly something else, Pathedic really, fat, lazy , short and has Puss"n"boots eyes all the time, haha i love her too so much. oh and how couldi forget the worst of all Bill, i call em billbert....my moms boyfriends cat :\. i dont leve him though. i wish he woulda got hit by the car.. he is a huge shit! besides my dgos not much is going on, its justnow about 11:51 pm, lol thats all i can think of thw write, oh random but im wear ing some really cute red-orange naipolish. butit woujldlook way better if i didnt hve ugly man hands..they are so ugly i hate em!!! so anyways today was a pretty just alright day. nothing special me and The Main Boy kinda started interacting more yesterday. which is good cuz it gets awkward with the whole "almost going out but endingnot going out thing" i kinda felt lik eour littl e teasing spark we had is growing back, and thats good cuz i still like em, but i wont get my hopes up this time im not gunna let this happen an 3rd time. buthey its confusing, that what teenage almost craxy hormonal love does to you right?
